A Rubber Ball

Ok, today is beautiful outside. It's one of those days near the end of winter where you can smell and feel spring coming. And you love it! These are the days my creative mind starts going all over the place.

Imagine a bouncing ball. While you hold it, nothing happens. It can have all the rubber in the world. Then if you let it go, it goes all over the place, and depending on the angles and how it's made; it could keep going and going and going. That's how my mind is right now. I wanna dance, I wanna do photography, I wanna make music, I wanna do film; . . . I wanna do it all! Well, all of this is or can be included in a film: dance, photography, music . . . and I wanna be involved. I need to get in a school quickly. I am about to jump out my skin! And I think I am going to take acting lessons. I wanna act in my movies and I know there has to be natural talent, and I pray that I have some (lol), but I don't think it will do me any harm to take some classes.

So yeah, today I feel like a rubber ball. I'm just glad I have the name of my production company so far. Would you like to know what it is?!? Well everyone will know soon enough.

Faith Pills

I love going to Wednesday night service. It's my pick-me-up for the week. I could have gotten off or struggled, or just had a tough beginning week; and after going to church I feel uplifted and have gotten refocused.

We were taught 9 steps on how to persevere through struggle. Basically I have a lot to continue on and a lot that I need to start on in terms of improvement.

I am going to sit down tomorrow (well today) and write down a list of things I wanna work on for March and work on those for this month. Next month, I'll come up with something else. If we just have faith like a mustard seed . . . Matthew 17:19-21

A Big Girl Pill

Matthew 5:1-12

"And seeing the multitudes, he went up into a mountain: and when he was set, his disciples came unto him: and he opened his mouth, and taught them, saying, blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth. Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled. Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God. Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God. Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets were before you.

I had to take a big girl pill today. I made a mistake with two friends. Accused them of something that was false. I apologized, but still got harshness back. I wonder why, seeing we are grown, a lot of people feel the need to leave their opinion of you on a facebook status or on a gmail status. A lot of people can't say anything to anyone's face anymore. I just think leaving messages in statuses is childish. We are grown. But yeah . . . sorry I got on that tangent. Anyways, back to my own growing up. I realize I have a lot of growing up to do in terms of my security in myself. Or else I wouldn't have even thought they were talking about me. Bascially I need to go back in my closet and pray. So I'm off again. Off to grow. And instead of trying to suck up and apologize over and over again; I'm going to let my apology be it and forgive myself and move on.

So yeah, I didn't listen to my mom or my spiritual advisers. They told me to let someone go; and I felt bad so I didn't; which sparked up me talking to them and getting hurt all over again. I guess I always hoped they would change but I have to realize, I'm not God. I can't change anyone or persuade them to change. They must choose it on their own.

On other terms . . . I just watched Slumdog Millionaire . . . and WOW! Is that an excellent movie! I mean every Oscar and Golden Globe award was well deserved . . . I need to pray now if I want to be on that level. I can't even describe how this movie moved me. I can count on my hand the movies that did that

• A Beautiful Mind
• Gladiator
• Cinderella Man
• Letters from Iwo Jima
• Wall-E (well maybe two hands, lol)
• Crash
• Slumdog Millionaire . . . this movie is that deal
• there are a few others but I'm lost for words right now