Moving Out and Moving On

New stage in life . . . I know again . . . but right now I am moving out the house in search of a new place to live. Hopefully I can find someplace that's affordable, will work with my credit, and that isn't too far from my job. We'll see. The Lord will have to work out something.

Growth

There's been a lot of growth going on. I've been slammed from almost every direction lately.

Emotionally,
Physically,
Mentally,
and most importantly, Spiritually.

I do not feel fragile though, just very conscious of myself, my surroundings, and what has been going on. There's so much going on, I don't know which step to take next. And I know that's an emotional and spiritual problem. I know I need to ignore them and just do what I need to do spiritually; because God has all the answers I need. I probably even have some of the answers that I need.

I think I want to start up photography again, . . . since I'm not doing film yet, that will keep be being creative. And maybe give me my zen while I'm dealing with all this.

Halo

I don't like this song right now . . . just putting it out there:

'Remember those walls I built
Well, baby they're tumbling down
And they didn't even put up a fight
They didn't even make up a sound

I found a way to let you in
But I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your halo
I got my angel now

It's like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
It's the risk that I'm takin'
I ain't never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away'

Halo - Beyonce

Distint Mind

I don't think I should have watched that movie yesterday. Now my mind is all over the place. I have to spend the rest of the night getting myself back in order and out of this depressing love-sickness. The 'Time Traveler's Wife' had a very sad ending so if you open up your emotions, it will definitely take you there. This makes falling in love look not so glamorous. Especially since I've never been in love before. (Except with the Lord of course) The soundtrack for the movie is beautiful. These modern day artists are really romantic.

Beethoven, Hayden, and Mozart were romantic but in a very dramatic and glorious adventurous type of way. Well I guess the modern might be a lot better because they are with the times. They know how to take it past just piano and violin and use all parts of the orchestra to feel a story. Wait . . . there's the difference, the modern classical music for movies is feeling a story and moving with emotions. That's why it hits so different.

I love when the movie takes me away to a place peaceful serene. It's always a huge field w/ tall grass and a clear beautiful warm sky. It might be near my house, a huge mansion. I may be alone, I may not be. From there I travel to other places. But I don't stay long, I must live out my own life instead of dreaming of having one. And you understand why I say I have a beautiful mind.

Wait till it gets put to the test and I put my ideas on film. What stories will be told. . . .I'm not even ready for them. I wonder if I'll be a good actress. I hope so. I know I wanna be like Rachel McAdams and put my heart and soul on the screen. But I have standards, no clothes will come off, no groping, nothing dirty. No swearing.

So back to this classical music. It actually made me feel better. And I was feeling so very off from everything. The movie and my own emotions with this person I have no business even considering. I don't even like him. We are complete opposites and he is just 'there'. I think I'm bored. So I need to find something to do, and get involved in church. That will definitely solve my idle mind and time.

Time Travel

I had to get myself in order (again) today. I was off on some bull. Basically I need to be careful who I hang around so I don't become like them and get off.

I saw 'The Time Traveler's Wife' today. On one hand I wanted to get sarcastic with the girl and tell her, "chick, you fell for a guy who constantly leaves you, what do you expect?!?!" Then the romantic side says, 'awww' and sheds tears. That time travel was crazy. I wonder how would someone fare if that was true?!? I wonder how I would fare . . . I think I would want to be the one who travels and not the one who would be left behind.

After watching movies like that I feel completely open vulnerability wise. So I have to watch myself. Because those movies will make you wanna go fall in love. So you'll be blindly falling for someone when you don't even really love them.

Ok I'm going to bed . . . I don't even really feel like writing right now :-/

Apply

Yesterday I went to my friend's house who lives in Bloomfield Hills, and we went out on the lake and swam. It was so nice. It was beautiful out there and looking at all of the houses and plus we watched the sun go down while we were out there. That was really nice.

I'm applying to grad schools right now and blah! . . . it's DRAMA! Well not really but it's really frustrating when this school does or doesn't have this and that program. Everybody wants to tell me to not go to this school or to go to this particular one and I say AHHHAAA! Imma just do what the Lord tells me to do. Cause otherwise I won't be where I need to be . . .

That's enough for now. I'm out of stuff for now.

Lifestyle

I shammed so bad this week. I took Wednesday and Thursday off of work and Friday and it's Saturday and I am still at home. I am working, it just seems really weird not being at the office. Oh well, I needed a vacation.

So I may stay in Michigan for grad school and just start my own company after a graduate. We'll see. If I stay here I def. need my own apartment. I just really need and want space. Because if I go to grad school I am going to get a different job so I can work around campus.

Right now I'm watching 'The Oprah Effect' and strangely it made me miss my life in college where I could focus on things like fashion and dreaming about the high life. Of course focusing on God is way more important so I can enjoy the things like fashion, and spending money and being pampered but I miss it all the same. I think I want to re-order my Vouge magazines.

Tomorrow I start back to the gym, THANK GOODNESS. I miss it so much. I really love living the healthy lifestyle. The hardest part for me is eating right. Since I'm not making enough money to buy my own food I must eat whatever my mom is willing to buy. And she's GOT to have her chicken. Once I can afford my own stuff I'm switching straight to fish and veggies and fruit.

Anyways, at church Bishop has been teaching this sermon about purity. It has been great. It is a series to meditate on for months. The more I listen the more I feel the change coming on slowly but surely. Every day I have to choose to walk the walk. Satan really comes at you hard when you are in that word and get that seed planted. And there goes a whole 'nother sermon Bishop just taught . . .

A Refil

So this past weekend I had somewhat of an emotional break down. Too much was going on and my life was like a faucet flowing into a sink where you could not get the plug out. And the sink just overflows, and overflows, and overflows . . .

So yeah, I let it out. I almost ran away to Atlanta for the week. But you never do anything based on emotions because then you could do a lot that will get you into trouble.

My sister came in so that was really nice. The family got along and there were no fights, . . . I repeat . . . NO FIGHTS. It was nice.

Then church was an uplifter. So I am pumped to at least make it until Wednesday night service . . . and I will not be defeated!!!

I'm in love!

Since the last time I wrote, I have been in the presence of God A LOT. Either teaching tapes, or worship music playing. And I can honestly say this; the next time anyone asks me why I am not dating or do not want to be married, I will say this:

I am at the perfect place right now. I am so happy! and that's legit! The more I am in the presence of God, the more I feel loved, and loved, and loved. I just watched the 'Bachelorette' reunion (yeah I sometimes watch that show - and no I am not proud) and it made me think about three particular couples who were involved in this season and the most previous season of the 'Bachelor.' I looked at how those men and women were glowing and they all had VERY different personalities and each relationship was completely different from the other. And I thought about it, . . . I have that glow! But with the Lord. A friend came to visit me the other day and when I told him I was happy to not be dating and in a very happy state, he put his head down and smiled like, "oh she's just saying that because she hasn't found anybody." That make me laugh because I am truly the happiest I've ever been and feel more fulfilled and more embraced than I've ever felt. Not saying humans don't sometimes need a human hug because God works through people on this earth to minister to each other. I just am so happy and so blessed and just on top of the world. Yes life is hard, yes I am going through bull crap right now and am in the midst of tests and trials. But I feel like He's by my side. Even when I don't feel He's there, He always shows me that He is. I am incredibly blessed and favored and SOOOOO happy! He is so good to me. I am so in love I cannot express it . . . in love with my boo boo buscuit! The Lord!!!

Between a Rock and a Hard Place

Random question to myself today . . . If I could be anywhere or be anyone today who and where would I be?

Answer: I'd be a successful business woman/stay at home wife married to a billionaire (I'd be making money from my businesses so I would not be a golddigger) and I'd have a huge production company and be a film star and producer.

Second question to myself . . . Why not?

Answer: again . . . why not?

I feel released to step out and do something things as far as my passion goes. So I will finally have some fun outside of my job. All I do these days is go to work, work out, go to sleep . . . and wake up and do it all over again. The working out keeps endorphins high and keeps me 'somewhat' fit (since I still don't eat right all the time) but it does make me look at my frame all the time. Some days you cannot tell me a thing because I think I am just too cute, and I have to watch it that I don't get vain. Other days I feel like a stick figure w/ my curvy butt but suuuuuper skinny arms and flat chest. Who gets two random different figures on top and bottom?!?!? God must be condoning me having larger boobs (hehehehe)

But anyways, I wanna spread my wings and touch the sky with R. Kelly. I really want my own place. Not a house yet, but a nice sized apartment . . . by myself. So I can kinda do my own thing. But first my income needs to reflect that. It makes me want to work harder so that I can afford to go off and find a place. Sigh . . . patience is a virtue.

I have church tonight, which I am so thankful for. That's my refill during the middle of the week. I love going to church. I don't have very many friends there yet but I know that will come. Alright, I'm off to get this word!

Speak no evil

Here I am back again. I actually woke up really really early and didn't fall asleep through my Bible study. That's a huge feat.

I'm really feeling how words have so much power. I don't think I'll speak unless I honestly have something good to say. I'll test it out for 2 weeks. And see how it goes. I don't like to gossip, but now I'm really cracking down.

I'll check back in on this.

As far as life goes, I really see I don't like the corporate world. I am not impressed. This whole career thing, really not me. Not saying it's bad to work, it's just not me. I still wanna do film of course, bit I'll determine when and where I want to work. Yes I wanna own business, but I want the option of walking away. When you just work for someone, you are stuck working because you need the money. This is not how I want it to be.

I got a feelin'

"I got a feelin', that tonight's gonna be a good night"

It's not a good night for the fans of Michael Jackson. He passed today. My condolences go out to his family but I am not that surprised. I am, but then I'm not even more than I am.

This journey I'm on has been long and interesting. I have to keep practicing not even focusing on anyone else or how they are affecting me. I just am keeping my eyes on my God (well that's the aim, I'm def. not perfect).

I have two favorite scriptures right now:

One is: Ephesians 1:17-21

That the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give unto you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of him: The eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that ye may know what is the hope of his calling, and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints, And what is the exceeding greatness of his power to us-ward who believe, according to the working of his mighty power.

and,

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

Watch what I do with these . . .

Caught up

I had a dream about the rapture. I remember it vividly. I am wondering why I had that dream at all. My pastor hasn't been preaching about the end times and I haven't been reading in the Word anything about end times. Maybe it's because of a show I watched called "Life After People" which shows how the Earth will be after there are no more people. And also watching "Planet of the Apes" series. Maybe that sparked that subject in my mind. It was an interesting dream though. Really made me step back and realize I need to set the example in my life and minister to more people. Lately, I've been letting work get in the way.

A Fresh Start

Last night I made a decision . . . I am going to start dating myself. There are still a lot of things I don't know about myself, that I would like to get to know. I don't know my favorite flower; and this is important because when I have my own apartment, it would be nice to not have to ponder how I am going to decorate the place. I still haven't quite figured out my personal style yet; and before I didn't have the means to shop. Now that I have some income, I can develop my style more.

I just wanna do me!

A Rubber Ball

Ok, today is beautiful outside. It's one of those days near the end of winter where you can smell and feel spring coming. And you love it! These are the days my creative mind starts going all over the place.

Imagine a bouncing ball. While you hold it, nothing happens. It can have all the rubber in the world. Then if you let it go, it goes all over the place, and depending on the angles and how it's made; it could keep going and going and going. That's how my mind is right now. I wanna dance, I wanna do photography, I wanna make music, I wanna do film; . . . I wanna do it all! Well, all of this is or can be included in a film: dance, photography, music . . . and I wanna be involved. I need to get in a school quickly. I am about to jump out my skin! And I think I am going to take acting lessons. I wanna act in my movies and I know there has to be natural talent, and I pray that I have some (lol), but I don't think it will do me any harm to take some classes.

So yeah, today I feel like a rubber ball. I'm just glad I have the name of my production company so far. Would you like to know what it is?!? Well everyone will know soon enough.

Faith Pills

I love going to Wednesday night service. It's my pick-me-up for the week. I could have gotten off or struggled, or just had a tough beginning week; and after going to church I feel uplifted and have gotten refocused.

We were taught 9 steps on how to persevere through struggle. Basically I have a lot to continue on and a lot that I need to start on in terms of improvement.

I am going to sit down tomorrow (well today) and write down a list of things I wanna work on for March and work on those for this month. Next month, I'll come up with something else. If we just have faith like a mustard seed . . . Matthew 17:19-21

A Big Girl Pill

Matthew 5:1-12

"And seeing the multitudes, he went up into a mountain: and when he was set, his disciples came unto him: and he opened his mouth, and taught them, saying, blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth. Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled. Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God. Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God. Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets were before you.

I had to take a big girl pill today. I made a mistake with two friends. Accused them of something that was false. I apologized, but still got harshness back. I wonder why, seeing we are grown, a lot of people feel the need to leave their opinion of you on a facebook status or on a gmail status. A lot of people can't say anything to anyone's face anymore. I just think leaving messages in statuses is childish. We are grown. But yeah . . . sorry I got on that tangent. Anyways, back to my own growing up. I realize I have a lot of growing up to do in terms of my security in myself. Or else I wouldn't have even thought they were talking about me. Bascially I need to go back in my closet and pray. So I'm off again. Off to grow. And instead of trying to suck up and apologize over and over again; I'm going to let my apology be it and forgive myself and move on.

So yeah, I didn't listen to my mom or my spiritual advisers. They told me to let someone go; and I felt bad so I didn't; which sparked up me talking to them and getting hurt all over again. I guess I always hoped they would change but I have to realize, I'm not God. I can't change anyone or persuade them to change. They must choose it on their own.

On other terms . . . I just watched Slumdog Millionaire . . . and WOW! Is that an excellent movie! I mean every Oscar and Golden Globe award was well deserved . . . I need to pray now if I want to be on that level. I can't even describe how this movie moved me. I can count on my hand the movies that did that

• A Beautiful Mind
• Gladiator
• Cinderella Man
• Letters from Iwo Jima
• Wall-E (well maybe two hands, lol)
• Crash
• Slumdog Millionaire . . . this movie is that deal
• there are a few others but I'm lost for words right now
  

Gloves up!

Battles on the field are like boxing rings when it comes to the spiritual things and you are dealing with just you. It's you in a ring with Satan. And he's throwing all his fiery darts while we have on the armor of God.

Ephesians 6:13-17 (KJV)
"Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; and your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:"

Now what a lot of Christians do is they let down their shield of faith, which is why the darts tend to wipe you out quickly and a lot of Christians look like they lose their battles. It is the hardest part to keep up because the situation looks hard . . . we see darts coming from here, coming from there, coming from everywhere and our mind and emotions are FREAKING OUT!!!!!!!

We could be in that ring because of ourselves and our stupidity or we could just have been attacked because Satan is mad and wants to distract & discourage us from the blessing that is coming our way or try to get us to go his way and be on his side of the ring . . . where we still get beat up. Lastly we may be in that ring . . . because Satan just hates us . . . that would be the only reason he would need to attack.

Now we could be in a position where we might be in the ring because:
1. We were stupid and made so many mistakes that we deserve serious consequences
2. We are being attacked because of the various reason Satan does what he does

This is the hard part; both reasons . . . because now we have to go repent of what we did and ask for deliverance from that, and get deliverance from everything else. This is where that shield comes back into play. It's really hard to hold that shield of faith up when you feel guilty and know you deserve to go through what you are going through. It's hard when you see a black hole for your mess and you feel like you are being sucked into and being stretched all out of proportion. And this isn't including the other attacks!

We are in a war ladies and gentlemen. A full out war; and we have to fight everyday. I feel I am fighting for my sanity as we speak. It's like my mind wants to go so far off to the deep end that in years down the line I'd be institutionalized talking to myself and wondering who I am. Satan will go after your mind and emotions because that's the connection to your spirit . . . if you let your mind and emotions rule you . . . it will be the worst roller coaster ride of your life.

But as Christians we don't have to fight in the war by ourselves. We don't have to stand in that ring along. Jesus has His gloves up; on the battlefield it would be a sword . . . the Word of God! And nothing can stand against the Word. Satan has to back off! As long as we keep speaking the Word over ourselves and keep that shield up no matter what he said, she said, he did, she did, you or I did . . . we will overcome!

Gloves up!

A Free Spirit

I am very free spirited. I've always known this. I never really had to deal with the cons of it until now. I tend to sometimes hold serious things off until I get in trouble. The good thing is I tend to be very relaxed in some situations. My thoughts run freely, which is good because I'm always thinking of scenarios and possible movie ideas in my dreams (I daydream almost as constantly as I breath) but I tend to be all over the place a lot of the time. Sigh . . . those are some of my issues I have to master.

Along with this type of personality I am a dreamer . . . I feel I have a beautiful mind. (Hence the name of this blog and also the title of one of my favorite movies) I know a lot of people say that but I really feel I utilize both sides of my brain. I think analytical and I also think very creatively. I wonder how this will affect me in the film industry . . . blah . . . look out!

More from the night

Ok, finally more on Oscar Night. Like I said before the night was very theatrical. It was like they were on a stage while presenting the Oscars. Of course we know they were using a literal stage, but it was more like a set up on Broadway. It was very nice. I have so many movies that I really need to see. I haven't seen Slumdog Millionaire yet and that got the most love out the night. If they would've had phenominal actors and actresses I'm sure they would've had the top 5 (best picture, best director, best actor, best actress, best writing). They had the top three even though not there is a difference in writing; original screenply and adapted screenplay are put into separate categories.

One day I will be there. I may be 23 already and seem too old (only in my eyes really), but I'll hold my many Oscars. And I'll give God thanks and praise first and foremost because that has clearly not been said by anyone for years. And I don't care what they'll think about me. Actors/Directors/Producers used to acknowledge who gave them air to breathe and the mind to pull of the beautiful extraordinary work that they do but I guess since they've seen a reduce in movie attendance, they have given up. Art is so important. Film is an art form, that expresses beauty. One that I am so excited to be apart of. I am just going to keep moving forward and keep my eyes on God so I don't fall.

So I just watched 'The Reader'. I do notice a lot of non-American films show nudity like it's nothing, because they don't show it so you can lust, they show it as 'oh these people had an affair and this is what theirs looked like and how it affected them.' So I'm not promoting this movie due to that fact but I will say this; it is a movie where it sparks a lot of discussion. A lot of key points in the movie in the scenes where they laid in bed after they made love so you those were kind of needed at the main focus of the movie. It did leave me with a feeling of deep sadness. I won't give away what happened, but it was sad. Good, but sad.

So now I'm going to go listen to some happy Slumdog Millionaire music (the song Jai Ho is really good) and imagine I'm flying in the sky. . . yes I do believe that humans will fly and not in planes. Wheter with jets or special shoes, we'll fly and dance in the sky . . .

Oscar Night

1. I finally have a job! God is so good. He set everything up and blessed me over and abundantly what I asked.

2. I just watched the Academy Awards. I am in awe at the depth of storytelling, acting, and everything that goes into filmmaking. I haven't even tasted the depth of what they are doing. I will one day get there. With the Lord's guidance I will get there. I am floored. I am actually near tears. They did such a great job. The whole show was a step above what they have done in the past. I was proud. And imagining myself win multiple (yes I said multiple) awards. It's about time the wealth of the wicked was passed onto the righteous!

I'll write more on this later. I have to get to bed for my first day of work!

Job

I'm trying to keep up with this blog . . . I really am. Sometimes I'm just way too tired to write.

Well I have a job interview tomorrow (well technically today) and I am super excited for it. If this is from God I know it is going to go wonderful and I'll start my journey to get out of debt . . . I want my net worth to be positive. So meaning, no debt whatsoever. I know God wants it that way too. It says in His word, owe no man anything. And that's how I plan to be. :-)

Ok I'm off to bed. Big day!

Randoms

My hair is growing, growing, and growing some more. It still looks short but it's longer than what it used to be. I went natural months back. About two weeks ago I cut the very last bit of relaxer out of my hair . . . now it's just me and my natural flow. Of course I still straighten it, I don't wanna rock the fro, but there are no chemicals or dye in my hair. Yeah!!! Just like I wanted it. Now I just have to get it past my shoulders . . . that's the next boulder. I truly love myself with long hair. It fits my facial bone structure. I would def. rock it short if I felt I would love it . . . but I don't. I just love it on others. Well enough vain talking . . .

I miss my planner . . . that thing kept me more organized than I realized. Now I have papers and files everywhere. Even though it's filed . . . don't mistake that I know everything that's in it.

I'm going to change up my style . . . well not really; just enhance it and make it look more glamorous. No more stepping out the house any type of way.

He had a dream . . .

Yesterday I was able to witness firsthand Barack Obama becoming the 44th President of the United States of America. I was filled with pride not only because he is an African American (and we have been waiting for this moment since Martin Luther King Jr.) but because it marks another successful turn for our country as a whole. It shows that we can move past the color of our skin, even though I know a lot of people are still dealing/growing with the new set of terms.

I was also proud of the love that the Obama's have for each other. I have never seen a President and First lady so obviously in love with each other. They are openly in love. Even though I know they have issues because every couple does, you see the true love in their family. They are gorgeous.

He is such an example to black men everywhere . . . the view we see of black men are usually, a hip hop star talking about their 'bling bling', hood on tv, or leaving their family. We rarely see black men as successful and until now we NEVER saw a black president. Thank the Lord it's a new day!

MLK had a dream . . . and that dream still carries on; and I'm going to help!

looking back

Here are some things that I appreciated in 2008 (in no particular order). I know it's late, but I wanted to put it up before I forget:



1. God never left me or failed me . . . that's #1!

2. God let me see another birthday. I turned 23 in style and in elegance and grace, lol :-)

3. I lived to see the first black president of the United States of America and I get to go to inauguration and tell generations after me about it! Go Obama!

4. I have a wonderful, loving family and we have continued to grow closer and stronger.

5. My best friend and my wonderful crew of supportive and fun, loving friends . . . they keep the laugh in my belly.

6. My pretty sorors who cause me to appreciate Alpha Kappa Alpha more and more each day! Skee Wee!

7. My dear cat Chocolate (R.I.P.) and my new Christmas present, my new kitty Bella.

8. My constant evolution in growing and learning each and every day.

9. Every mistake, every failing, every stumble, every fallout . . . they have all built strength & taught me how to repent and get back on my feet

10. Every backstab, every biting word, every bit of gossip that was said about me . . . God taught me to forgive

11. Michigan, cause I'm bout to be out this peace

12. My mom - who is truly the best friend, confident, and support a girl could ever ask for

13. My mentor who keeps it straight like metal pole

14. Dreams, visions and goals

15. My sister who is a total opposite of myself that I need so badly

16. Airplanes: so that I can visit all my friends who are so far away

17. My blog: I love it as my outlet

18. The words: 'oh', 'alright', 'okay', 'you doing too much', 'extra', and 'spicy'

There's a lot more but I could go on and on and on . . .


Yeah for 2009!!!!

Laying It Down

Everyone has dreams, goals and visions. Everyone has places they want to go and explore at. Everyone has an idea at the perfect path for themselves . . . I've been learning how to sacrifice that and do what the Lord wants me to do. In Him is the perfect will for me, perfect path for me, and complete wholeness and happiness for me. So it's His road or the high road. I have faith that in His perfect will He will give me all my dreams and desires and even some I didn't even know I had . . .

Laying down my flesh and what I want to do has been my focus since the New Year. I want to go here . . . well, I'm going to check with the Holy Spirit first. If I want to move here . . . well, let me check and make sure that it's what He wants me to do and that I'm not moving from underneath His perfect will. I want to make this life changing decision . . . well, let me seek God on that.

He even helps me with the little things, like what to wear. It may seem crazy but my wardrobe has not grown any bigger in the last few months and I still have new combinations of outfits to wear. That's something little that He cares about.

He is such a good God . . . so I'm going to keep laying it all down, right before Him; and have Him show me the perfect path.

Taking Ownership

One thing that I'm really going to work on, is taking ownership over what's mine. The only reason God couldn't take me higher in 2008 was because I wasn't taking care of what was mine already. How can He trust me with a new expensive apartment in New York if I can't handle my little room here at my mom's house? How can He bless me with finances if I can't even budget in gas. God instructed Adam and Eve to be caretakers of the garden, which was real small in comparison to the rest of the world. God wants us to be caretakers of what He has given us while believing for better. He says be diligent in all things so that He can increase us. So I am going to be diligent in taking care of my cat, in taking care of my room, in helping my mom with the house, of my car, and the big one: my finances. I know the Lord will give me guidance and help me, because I know that I am going higher, but I need to get the little stuff together first.

A book that I'm going to recommend about organization is Eat That Frog. I'm going to apply this to everything.

A book I'd truly recommend is one I'm reading right now: 4-Hour Workweek.

I am doing my best to go through 1 success book every two weeks . . . then I plan to get it down to 1 a week.

A dream - to go climb trees in Africa and hang with giraffes.

Happy New Year

Well . . . it really is a happy New Year. I am so excited about what is going to happen during this year. Awesome things are going to be seen. God is truly going to show how powerful He is. As the world gets darker, the light shines brighter and brighter and everyone will see. Church was just so awesome last night as well. I went to Word of Faith. They have a Christmas Eve service and wow! First of all, praise and worship was soooo hype. And not hype in a natural way, but in a spiritual way. I thought my spirit was going to jump out my body. Worship was just beautiful. The choir was on point. And CeCe Winans performed. I did not realize that she was a worshiper. She really is keyed on ushering in the presence of the Lord. I had never felt the spirit of the Lord that sweet ever before in my life after we all were done worshiping. Now I expect to feel that again but it was so beautiful. I was overcome. The prophesy that went forth from the Lord was: "2009 is the Year of the Shining Through of the Glory of God." Other pastors had different titles than the one I heard but they had pretty much the same message . . . which makes sense; same holy spirit they tapped into = same message.

I am so ready for this year. Well it's here today! And today I get to continue to put to work what the Lord instructed. I am so ready. I know God is going to give me "double for my trouble!" Ok I'm off to make a new confession sheet. Until next time . . .