How Clear It Is

Crisp, clear . . . my mind is clear. I look upon the sea and stand with my thoughts. As I overlook the rocks and blue I think . . . oh how clear it is.

Beauty, clear . . . my eyes can see. I look up at the sun and smile into light. As I look at the sunrays shine from the sky, I see . . . oh how clear it is.

Blue, clear . . . wow, my colors are sharp. I look upon my scene and I see sprinkles of pink and sprinkles of yellow, and a whole sea of white beauty. As I look at all these colors painted with the beauty of God, there's blue . . . oh how clear it is.

Wow I love the beauty of His eye . . . an image so filled with detail I'm speechless . . . oh how clear it is.

Tomorrow Is Not Promised Today

(I didn't write that above) . . .

Love me . . . hold me . . . keep me . . . and don't leave me . . .

If You love me, I will never worry about love from anyone else.

If You hold me, forever, I will never need for anything, because You always have me

If You keep me, I will forever remain with you for eternity

If You never leave, I will never feel forsaken, for You loved me first so to leave me would be to hurt me and I know that You could not do that

God . . . tomorrow is not promised today, so I will love you the same

Imagine

Imagine . . . Imagine yourself here in this place looking at this in front of you.

Imagine . . . Imagine the weather; imagine the air; imagine the wind.

Imagine . . . Imagine your hike; imagine your body; imagine your reaction.

Imagine . . . Imagine your soul; where did it go? Where did your heart soar to.

Just Imagine . . .

Outsider

The playground, the place where cliques and outcasts are made. A swing set, where only the coolest kids could swing; where all the lames and nerds were told to back off. Now as we have grown older, swing sets have become more like exclusive. You have guards around the swing set, and they alternate turns with those who are on it.

They have their whispers, their inside jokes. They are unashamed at how they tease in front of you. They don't care if you are included, only that their superficial conversations stay strong and leave you out of them.

They take trips to the water fountain without you. Knowing good and well that with your crutches it will take a you a much longer time. They make sure to rub it in your face, "how wonderful this fresh clean water is!" They don't care about your thirst, about your dry, cracked throat.

Then they always leave others behind. They take their happiness of the swing and make sure to leave the leftovers standing in the line that they will never get out of . . . not everyone gets to swing.

Who are the others? . . .
. . . The observers, the weird ones, and outcasts of this playground. The only thing keeping them out is the fact that they made choices . . . choices that took them on a different path. They look with longing, wondering why they can't fit in, why they don't fit into any mold. They ask, "Why did God make me different? Why am I going such a different route? Why is my life so uniquely shaped this way?" They know it is best to stay outside and be the wandering beast that they are; to let go and wander off the playground to someplace entirely different. Never fitting in, they begin to embrace their differences and reach out for something beyond their sight, beyond the fog, beyond to sea . . . but doesn't it suck to be an outsider . . .

Fork in the Road

There's a fork in the road . . .

You pause . . .

You pause a long time . . .

You are still . . .

The only thing that moves is the wind, but even it is beginning to die down.

You don't think, you don't want to think; for if you think, you will know which road to choose.

One road is filled with all your hopes and your dreams, but the path to get to that other side is brittle, and coarse, and sharp, and it seems unending; for there is always new goals to be thought. It is filled with pain and struggle, . . . but there will be joy . . . oh there will be beauty and life and love and you will have taken the risk to achieve.

The other road, is the simple life; you will be happy; you will be safe; and you will have excitement, in those random places; you will live an ordinary life, you might change someone somewhere; and you will forget about your loves, and find new ones to cherish.

You know which road is yours, you know which road you were born to travel on, . . . you know where you should go . . . but now . . .

You hesitate . . .

You stare . . .

There are two roads . . .

At which point you stand in the fork of the roads . . . and dream of your happy place

Finally . . . you take a step . . .

All Fall Down

Listening to: All Fall Down - One Republic

(suggestion when reading this entry: listen to song while reading; it will move you better)

********************************
Lost til you're found
Stuck in a forest; running through; no light shines through; the sweat drips down your face; you feel the fear and it shows on your face; you feel like someone's watching you but when you turn around, no one is there; you keep wandering around; looking for any way out

Swim til you drown
You stumble in a river; the weeds grab hold of your feet; you gasp for air; desperately swimming; you cannot free yourself; you jerk, you pull, you fiercely fight; you use every ounce in you; finally your feet are released and your race your lungs to the surface

Know that we all fall down
You are gasping for air; you are choking; you start sobbing; you look back at the river like an enemy; mad that you fell down . . .

Love til you hate
You stand up looking around desperately; still dripping and smelling of your life struggle; you start stepping away; you are filled with hate; that you are where you are; with no way out; you then feel it again; the presence that was there before; you see a panther; why is it even there; you take off; your lungs are screaming; you barely have enough air to think; you come to a cliff; only one choice

Jump til you break
You are falling; you try grabbing onto long branches that hang from the sky; the trees have no mercy on you; everything seems to move away as you almost grip; the trees below you get thicker; you are slowing down finally you slam down hard on the ground; you scream; your arm is broken; but you can't stay there; you must keep going

Know that we all fall down
You push yourself; you keep stepping; one break, one fall won't kill you; you walk towards the lighter side of the forest you are in now; something is different; the air becomes cleaner and it's easier to breathe; you begin to see the sun; your aching bones are yelling for the freedom; your will was crashing down; Now you know . . . .

All fall down, we all fall down, all fall down
We all fall down, all fall down, all fall down

Lost til you're found
Swim til you drown
Know that we all fall down
Love til you hate
Jump til you break
Know that we all fall down

"Love me like you'll never see me again"

Below, are the thoughts of a girl who is talking to her friends about how she feels how they treat her.

I know you perfer that I be a certain way all the time. I know you perfer that I am all the time happy. I know that you would rather me be always doing things with you that will cause me to struggle. How come I am always there for you and you are never there for me? Where are you to stay up at night with me when I need someone? How come you go to sleep on me or get cranky when I call? How come you always exclude me and go off into your little bubbles, it makes me want to not even stick around . . . it makes me want to leave and just forget about it. But, I won't do that; because I love you. You are my friends, and even though you sometimes don't realize that you hurt me a lot, that's ok. I forgive you. And will keep forgiving you.

I just hope you realize, that one day I might not always be here. Maybe you'll do better without me. Maybe you won't miss me or will be joyous that I'm gone. I just hope if I do decide to walk off, that you'll know you should have "loved me, like you'll never see me again."

A Tearless Letter

Listening to: Ex Factor - Lauryn Hill; Nothing Even Matters - Lauryn Hill

You . . . you are my happy place. You make me smile. You make me glow. You make me forget everything around me and I remain in heavenly bliss. You are the only one who hurts my feelings and brings me to tears to only have me strive harder to be a better person. I know you only say what you say to me in love because you look sad when I am hurt. You have never called me any evil names, never put me down, you just tell me the truth in all your honesty. When I am done getting over my pride and realizing that everything you told me was right, I remember that you are my happy place. Cause "nothing even matters at all." I love you, and I know you don't and may never love me back. I just wanted you to know that you showed me a whole new meaning of joy and I can never thank you enough. I have been honored to be your friend and be in your life. I never knew how strong love could be for I never kissed you, touched you, or even told you how I feel about you. You drew me in. "Your love made me grown 10 feet tall." I hope that I will always carry a piece of you. I realize that I must walk away from you and let you be and go do what I need to do in my life . . . and as I know this, I know I will lose my happy place. The thought of you got me through the days and I woke up happy and full of light. I am sorry to leave you "happy place" but I must walk away because I would rather leave whole than broken. "You let go, and I'll let go too."

--A love letter

Narration

A Narration I made up for Grey's Anatomy . . . don't know how it would fit in though . . .


The thing about growing up is, you always get busier. Busy with work, busy with duties, busy with goals, and just life altogether. Often, family and friends get pushed to the side and become a burden to talk to instead of a joy. When did our lives become so ruled by work that we can't even take time out to be with the people who got us there in the first place? We lose touch, and then what . . . we get stuck with a problem and have no one to turn to. Some say get a new life and get new friends and forget about the old ones.