Halo

I don't like this song right now . . . just putting it out there:

'Remember those walls I built
Well, baby they're tumbling down
And they didn't even put up a fight
They didn't even make up a sound

I found a way to let you in
But I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your halo
I got my angel now

It's like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
It's the risk that I'm takin'
I ain't never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away'

Halo - Beyonce

Distint Mind

I don't think I should have watched that movie yesterday. Now my mind is all over the place. I have to spend the rest of the night getting myself back in order and out of this depressing love-sickness. The 'Time Traveler's Wife' had a very sad ending so if you open up your emotions, it will definitely take you there. This makes falling in love look not so glamorous. Especially since I've never been in love before. (Except with the Lord of course) The soundtrack for the movie is beautiful. These modern day artists are really romantic.

Beethoven, Hayden, and Mozart were romantic but in a very dramatic and glorious adventurous type of way. Well I guess the modern might be a lot better because they are with the times. They know how to take it past just piano and violin and use all parts of the orchestra to feel a story. Wait . . . there's the difference, the modern classical music for movies is feeling a story and moving with emotions. That's why it hits so different.

I love when the movie takes me away to a place peaceful serene. It's always a huge field w/ tall grass and a clear beautiful warm sky. It might be near my house, a huge mansion. I may be alone, I may not be. From there I travel to other places. But I don't stay long, I must live out my own life instead of dreaming of having one. And you understand why I say I have a beautiful mind.

Wait till it gets put to the test and I put my ideas on film. What stories will be told. . . .I'm not even ready for them. I wonder if I'll be a good actress. I hope so. I know I wanna be like Rachel McAdams and put my heart and soul on the screen. But I have standards, no clothes will come off, no groping, nothing dirty. No swearing.

So back to this classical music. It actually made me feel better. And I was feeling so very off from everything. The movie and my own emotions with this person I have no business even considering. I don't even like him. We are complete opposites and he is just 'there'. I think I'm bored. So I need to find something to do, and get involved in church. That will definitely solve my idle mind and time.

Time Travel

I had to get myself in order (again) today. I was off on some bull. Basically I need to be careful who I hang around so I don't become like them and get off.

I saw 'The Time Traveler's Wife' today. On one hand I wanted to get sarcastic with the girl and tell her, "chick, you fell for a guy who constantly leaves you, what do you expect?!?!" Then the romantic side says, 'awww' and sheds tears. That time travel was crazy. I wonder how would someone fare if that was true?!? I wonder how I would fare . . . I think I would want to be the one who travels and not the one who would be left behind.

After watching movies like that I feel completely open vulnerability wise. So I have to watch myself. Because those movies will make you wanna go fall in love. So you'll be blindly falling for someone when you don't even really love them.

Ok I'm going to bed . . . I don't even really feel like writing right now :-/

Apply

Yesterday I went to my friend's house who lives in Bloomfield Hills, and we went out on the lake and swam. It was so nice. It was beautiful out there and looking at all of the houses and plus we watched the sun go down while we were out there. That was really nice.

I'm applying to grad schools right now and blah! . . . it's DRAMA! Well not really but it's really frustrating when this school does or doesn't have this and that program. Everybody wants to tell me to not go to this school or to go to this particular one and I say AHHHAAA! Imma just do what the Lord tells me to do. Cause otherwise I won't be where I need to be . . .

That's enough for now. I'm out of stuff for now.

Lifestyle

I shammed so bad this week. I took Wednesday and Thursday off of work and Friday and it's Saturday and I am still at home. I am working, it just seems really weird not being at the office. Oh well, I needed a vacation.

So I may stay in Michigan for grad school and just start my own company after a graduate. We'll see. If I stay here I def. need my own apartment. I just really need and want space. Because if I go to grad school I am going to get a different job so I can work around campus.

Right now I'm watching 'The Oprah Effect' and strangely it made me miss my life in college where I could focus on things like fashion and dreaming about the high life. Of course focusing on God is way more important so I can enjoy the things like fashion, and spending money and being pampered but I miss it all the same. I think I want to re-order my Vouge magazines.

Tomorrow I start back to the gym, THANK GOODNESS. I miss it so much. I really love living the healthy lifestyle. The hardest part for me is eating right. Since I'm not making enough money to buy my own food I must eat whatever my mom is willing to buy. And she's GOT to have her chicken. Once I can afford my own stuff I'm switching straight to fish and veggies and fruit.

Anyways, at church Bishop has been teaching this sermon about purity. It has been great. It is a series to meditate on for months. The more I listen the more I feel the change coming on slowly but surely. Every day I have to choose to walk the walk. Satan really comes at you hard when you are in that word and get that seed planted. And there goes a whole 'nother sermon Bishop just taught . . .

A Refil

So this past weekend I had somewhat of an emotional break down. Too much was going on and my life was like a faucet flowing into a sink where you could not get the plug out. And the sink just overflows, and overflows, and overflows . . .

So yeah, I let it out. I almost ran away to Atlanta for the week. But you never do anything based on emotions because then you could do a lot that will get you into trouble.

My sister came in so that was really nice. The family got along and there were no fights, . . . I repeat . . . NO FIGHTS. It was nice.

Then church was an uplifter. So I am pumped to at least make it until Wednesday night service . . . and I will not be defeated!!!

I'm in love!

Since the last time I wrote, I have been in the presence of God A LOT. Either teaching tapes, or worship music playing. And I can honestly say this; the next time anyone asks me why I am not dating or do not want to be married, I will say this:

I am at the perfect place right now. I am so happy! and that's legit! The more I am in the presence of God, the more I feel loved, and loved, and loved. I just watched the 'Bachelorette' reunion (yeah I sometimes watch that show - and no I am not proud) and it made me think about three particular couples who were involved in this season and the most previous season of the 'Bachelor.' I looked at how those men and women were glowing and they all had VERY different personalities and each relationship was completely different from the other. And I thought about it, . . . I have that glow! But with the Lord. A friend came to visit me the other day and when I told him I was happy to not be dating and in a very happy state, he put his head down and smiled like, "oh she's just saying that because she hasn't found anybody." That make me laugh because I am truly the happiest I've ever been and feel more fulfilled and more embraced than I've ever felt. Not saying humans don't sometimes need a human hug because God works through people on this earth to minister to each other. I just am so happy and so blessed and just on top of the world. Yes life is hard, yes I am going through bull crap right now and am in the midst of tests and trials. But I feel like He's by my side. Even when I don't feel He's there, He always shows me that He is. I am incredibly blessed and favored and SOOOOO happy! He is so good to me. I am so in love I cannot express it . . . in love with my boo boo buscuit! The Lord!!!